Scratch my back

In the dark,
We would trace words on each other’s backs-
Do you remember?
Shivering under the softest scroll
Of cursive- finger to skin.

House, horse, happy
Never,
Scared, why,
What is happening?

Scratch my back. You first!
You promised you wouldn’t fall asleep
And so I would start from the small of your back
And reach out to the side as I moved upward
where I knew you were ticklish
Testing whether you were asleep.
You were good at hiding it, even though
I knew you were awake.

We pretended until we couldn’t anymore.
And you went toward the people who eased your pain
And I toward mine,
the absence of each other settling in,
Calcifying with age, country, and time.

I want to write to you a letter,
So here I will spell it on your back:
I am sorry,
I couldn’t save us both,
I love you.

— Cristine