Intimacy is a topic that’s been lingering in the back of my mind for some time now. My best friend of nearly a year just recently met somebody. She found herself scrolling through one of the social apps she uses and came across a gentleman’s profile who intrigued her. They began chatting online and met up in person for the first time nearly a month ago, today, they’re dating. This story is not a happily-ever-after, and my friend has made some incredibly stupid decisions regarding her dating choices which have made me question whether or not I want her in my life, but despite these struggles, we’ve been able to communicate and maintain our friendship. Anyway, her newfound joy in life made me question what I was looking for in regard to intimacy, love, and relationships moving forward. Before august, I had several different physical relationships with several different dudes, however, since august, college has been my one true partner. My free time is spent doing homework, working out, sleeping, or on occasion writing; although if you keep up with my posts, you know how that’s going. The people who I was intimate with before August I seldom see, and since august I’ve been celibate due to a lack of time, and perhaps even a of lack of interest. Everybody I’ve been intimate with has not met my standards in any way or form, everything happened in the moment; which I do not regret, but it’s just not something I’m interested in anymore.
Yesterday, I visited a gentleman who I regard as a professional advisor, and saw his office for the first time. When I asked him why he didn’t have any family photos in his office, he told me that he didn’t have any family besides his siblings, and further shared that he’d wished to marry and have kids but never had the chance. This forthright testament further made me question whether or not I was happy in my solitary state, and furthermore, what kind of life I envisioned for myself in the future…
I have yet to reach a conclusion to all these thoughts I’ve had over the course of the last few days. I’m in no way a prude, (not to shame anyone who is,) I enjoy physical contact and intimacy just as much as everybody else, but I’m not interested in resorting to the internet like my friend to find these opportunities, at least not yet. I think at present I enjoy a life of solitude with a few close friends. I don’t have room on my plate for the emotional obligations a relationship brings on, and I find that physically I am satisfied. For me, physical satisfaction isn’t just about intimacy, it’s also about a sense of pride when I look in the mirror, and thankfully I’ve been able to find the time to continue focusing on my body despite all the chaos in my life. Knowing that my body is something I feel comfortable sharing and showing off provides me with all the physical satisfaction I need right now.
This prose is only a reflection of my current state of mind, tomorrow, or perhaps a few days from now, I may find myself with a completely different perspective; this is why it’s so important to write, if I don’t write down these thoughts and feelings, I’ll never be able to revisit my perspective at present to compare and contrast my findings in the future. If I don’t write it down, then it may as well never have happened.
— March
Yesterday, I visited a gentleman who I regard as a professional advisor, and saw his office for the first time. When I asked him why he didn’t have any family photos in his office, he told me that he didn’t have any family besides his siblings, and further shared that he’d wished to marry and have kids but never had the chance. This forthright testament further made me question whether or not I was happy in my solitary state, and furthermore, what kind of life I envisioned for myself in the future…
I have yet to reach a conclusion to all these thoughts I’ve had over the course of the last few days. I’m in no way a prude, (not to shame anyone who is,) I enjoy physical contact and intimacy just as much as everybody else, but I’m not interested in resorting to the internet like my friend to find these opportunities, at least not yet. I think at present I enjoy a life of solitude with a few close friends. I don’t have room on my plate for the emotional obligations a relationship brings on, and I find that physically I am satisfied. For me, physical satisfaction isn’t just about intimacy, it’s also about a sense of pride when I look in the mirror, and thankfully I’ve been able to find the time to continue focusing on my body despite all the chaos in my life. Knowing that my body is something I feel comfortable sharing and showing off provides me with all the physical satisfaction I need right now.
This prose is only a reflection of my current state of mind, tomorrow, or perhaps a few days from now, I may find myself with a completely different perspective; this is why it’s so important to write, if I don’t write down these thoughts and feelings, I’ll never be able to revisit my perspective at present to compare and contrast my findings in the future. If I don’t write it down, then it may as well never have happened.
— March
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