I don’t know why this is such a hard prompt for me. Secrets are meant to be withheld from others, and I guess I don’t really feel like I intentionally do much of anything in secret, besides things that are mundane or private- like masturbating or flossing my teeth. Write about that?
I mean, most of my life is held in privacy. My routine is hidden from most, at least now that the kids have all finally moved out. I primarily work from home, with my little dog who follows me around the house. Up the stairs. Down the stairs. Into the kitchen. Snack. Back to the desk. My best friend has no idea about what I even do for a living. In casual conversation she’ll refer to a client I haven’t worked with in a year. I don’t bother to correct her. I don’t offer either- there’s that.
But secrets…
Eighteen years ago, my first husband had an affair. He blew up our marriage in a spectacular fashion- on my 40th birthday he walked out the door to spend the night with his lover, leaving me out of my mind with rage and trying to come up with words for my children who were terrified by my grief. Of course, he had been meeting her secretly. In a bar. At a restaurant. Geez we live in a small town, c’mon. But I was unaware. Until I was, and it changed everything.
The year before, though, I went back east for work, and reconnected with my ex. I just showed up in the restaurant he owned- and he actually asked me-
”Can I help you?”
before seeing me.
It was just over 10 years since we had seen each other last- me with a baby in a sling. We had met at City Lights- wandering in and out of the aisles- barely looking at each other. And that night, driving home I thought-
I chose well. I am with the man who will be there for me, he adores me, right? Yes, he drinks too much sometimes. He seems sometimes disconnected from the baby, but he’ll grow into being a father.
And now here it was, ten years later. The surprise on my ex’s face-
“It’s you.”
before pulling me into an embrace. And that night changed everything. The beginning of the undoing. I never told my husband.
— Cristine
I mean, most of my life is held in privacy. My routine is hidden from most, at least now that the kids have all finally moved out. I primarily work from home, with my little dog who follows me around the house. Up the stairs. Down the stairs. Into the kitchen. Snack. Back to the desk. My best friend has no idea about what I even do for a living. In casual conversation she’ll refer to a client I haven’t worked with in a year. I don’t bother to correct her. I don’t offer either- there’s that.
But secrets…
Eighteen years ago, my first husband had an affair. He blew up our marriage in a spectacular fashion- on my 40th birthday he walked out the door to spend the night with his lover, leaving me out of my mind with rage and trying to come up with words for my children who were terrified by my grief. Of course, he had been meeting her secretly. In a bar. At a restaurant. Geez we live in a small town, c’mon. But I was unaware. Until I was, and it changed everything.
The year before, though, I went back east for work, and reconnected with my ex. I just showed up in the restaurant he owned- and he actually asked me-
”Can I help you?”
before seeing me.
It was just over 10 years since we had seen each other last- me with a baby in a sling. We had met at City Lights- wandering in and out of the aisles- barely looking at each other. And that night, driving home I thought-
I chose well. I am with the man who will be there for me, he adores me, right? Yes, he drinks too much sometimes. He seems sometimes disconnected from the baby, but he’ll grow into being a father.
And now here it was, ten years later. The surprise on my ex’s face-
“It’s you.”
before pulling me into an embrace. And that night changed everything. The beginning of the undoing. I never told my husband.
— Cristine
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