Last night at 10:59 PM I received an unexpected text from a distant friend. “We should do a journal trade off sometime,” the text read. This wasn’t unusual considering I’d exchanged journals before with this friend, however; a lack of talking with my friend, who for the sake of this prompt we’ll call Jason, made me question whether or not I truly wanted to exchange journals with him again.
Jason and I formally met in February 2022 on a school trip out of state. We bonded over our mutual love for journaling, and all things writing-related. As soon as we’d learned of each other's love for the craft we were instantly pulling out our journals to exchange with one another. The moment was surreal for both of us, and I personally had waited a long time to meet someone as dedicated to writing as I was. The trip was the first of several times we’d exchange journals. During the duration of the trip we became rather close, and both of us shared secrets with one another that we’d only confessed to our journals prior. Skimming through each other's journals provided us with an instant bond, and somehow, despite only knowing each other for a few days we trusted one another completely. It was as if we’d known each other our entire lives. This was the moment we’d both been waiting for.
We didn’t talk much after the trip. We didn’t stop being friends, but rather became distant friends. I made several attempts to maintain our friendship but they were all unsuccessful. Over the course of that school year, we exchanged journals twice. I enjoyed reading Jason’s journals but frequently noticed that he wasn’t as vulnerable to his journal as I was; sometimes I felt as though the trade was unfair. The fact that I journal isn’t a secret, but the content inside it is. Whenever I read Jason's journals I felt that there was so much he wasn’t revealing to the page, and when I asked him about it he confirmed that he wasn’t as vulnerable as I was when he wrote. I made peace with that fact and we left it at that.
Eventually, Jason and I stopped talking completely, we grew apart and I no longer found myself interested in exchanging journals with him. Despite enjoying sharing my journal with someone else and getting to read another person's journal, I felt as though the only reason Jason wanted to exchange journals was for attention. It began to feel like all he wanted to do was hear my feedback, and when it came turn for him to voice his feedback and thoughts about my journal he never had too much to say.
This summer we met up to return each other's journals, and I believed that it’d be the last time we’d exchange journals; I was wrong. Last night when I received Jason’s text asking if I was interested in exchanging journals again I found myself rather conflicted. I told myself it was a bad idea but agreed anyway. I figured I had nothing to lose. We haven’t arranged a date to exchange journals yet, and I find myself constantly hoping that Jason forgets and my journal gets to stay in my possession. My journal houses my secrets, and although I still trust Jason I’m not sure if I still want to reveal my most intricate thoughts to him. Despite our previous connection, I feel that if Jason truly cared he’d make an effort to be better friends rather than text me out of the blue whenever he finishes a journal.
This story is still ongoing and doesn’t have a conclusion. I wish I could tell you that I told Jason I wasn’t interested in exchanging journals but that would be a lie. I still feel an obligation to the time Jason and I shared when we first met on that school trip, and I’m not ready to cut him off just yet.
— March
Jason and I formally met in February 2022 on a school trip out of state. We bonded over our mutual love for journaling, and all things writing-related. As soon as we’d learned of each other's love for the craft we were instantly pulling out our journals to exchange with one another. The moment was surreal for both of us, and I personally had waited a long time to meet someone as dedicated to writing as I was. The trip was the first of several times we’d exchange journals. During the duration of the trip we became rather close, and both of us shared secrets with one another that we’d only confessed to our journals prior. Skimming through each other's journals provided us with an instant bond, and somehow, despite only knowing each other for a few days we trusted one another completely. It was as if we’d known each other our entire lives. This was the moment we’d both been waiting for.
We didn’t talk much after the trip. We didn’t stop being friends, but rather became distant friends. I made several attempts to maintain our friendship but they were all unsuccessful. Over the course of that school year, we exchanged journals twice. I enjoyed reading Jason’s journals but frequently noticed that he wasn’t as vulnerable to his journal as I was; sometimes I felt as though the trade was unfair. The fact that I journal isn’t a secret, but the content inside it is. Whenever I read Jason's journals I felt that there was so much he wasn’t revealing to the page, and when I asked him about it he confirmed that he wasn’t as vulnerable as I was when he wrote. I made peace with that fact and we left it at that.
Eventually, Jason and I stopped talking completely, we grew apart and I no longer found myself interested in exchanging journals with him. Despite enjoying sharing my journal with someone else and getting to read another person's journal, I felt as though the only reason Jason wanted to exchange journals was for attention. It began to feel like all he wanted to do was hear my feedback, and when it came turn for him to voice his feedback and thoughts about my journal he never had too much to say.
This summer we met up to return each other's journals, and I believed that it’d be the last time we’d exchange journals; I was wrong. Last night when I received Jason’s text asking if I was interested in exchanging journals again I found myself rather conflicted. I told myself it was a bad idea but agreed anyway. I figured I had nothing to lose. We haven’t arranged a date to exchange journals yet, and I find myself constantly hoping that Jason forgets and my journal gets to stay in my possession. My journal houses my secrets, and although I still trust Jason I’m not sure if I still want to reveal my most intricate thoughts to him. Despite our previous connection, I feel that if Jason truly cared he’d make an effort to be better friends rather than text me out of the blue whenever he finishes a journal.
This story is still ongoing and doesn’t have a conclusion. I wish I could tell you that I told Jason I wasn’t interested in exchanging journals but that would be a lie. I still feel an obligation to the time Jason and I shared when we first met on that school trip, and I’m not ready to cut him off just yet.
— March
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