A couple of weeks ago, I took my daughter’s boyfriend out to lunch. It was a wintry day, and we went to a favorite little deli spot that he’d never been to and I love taking people to, because they get it when they walk in and see the 6 kinds of veggie burgers. M was in the Bay for work, and A was without a car, so I was letting him use mine and I’d offered lunch because I knew he was feeling a little down.
A had just found out a couple of days before that his best friend, who had pancreatic cancer, had decided to stop
treatment. Diagnosed at 24, B was given 2 years tops to live, and he had defied expectations. But options had been exhausted, and he was tired. In a video sent to his family and best friends, he told everyone that with what time he had left, he simply wanted to enjoy the rest of his life. M and A flew to Philadelphia to spend a weekend celebrating what will probably be his last birthday. He turned 29 today. They sent pictures from the Liberty Bell.
Back to our lunch. So I’m prepared to do the mom thing and offer a car and a listening ear, and offer what little wisdom I have(you are mom-ish to the significant others.) The great thing about your kids living near you is that you can help them out with more than money. You can continue to give them your time and care. You can take care of the dog or water the plants, or take them out to lunch when its a tough time.
A is also struggling with his career. An artist at heart, a people person and dedicated community servant, he has struggled to move from the service industry to a next step career. A dual degree in Drama and Geography has been hard to translate into the post-COVID environment. I’ve introduced him to some men I admire in our community- he is loved by everyone but it is a rural community and hard to make a living. So I’m prepped for empathy, advice, and support.
About halfway through the falafel, A asked for my blessing to marry my daughter. It was a profoundly touching and beautiful conversation. He had the stones from his grandmother’s ring. He would ask her in Mendocino in the fall, at a place that has been special to our family forever, and where she was conceived. He was not sure of his path yet, but he wants to walk it with her, and she with him. And it was so wonderful to have this special moment with this beautiful young man who loves my wild, demanding, deeply compassionate and complex daughter. Who nurtures her soul and listens to her, and makes her laugh and feel at ease in the world. Who helps plant a garden and paints my house. Who will be an amazing father to the children they both want. I am looking forward to witnessing their journey. I am honored by it, and grateful for it.
— Cristine
A had just found out a couple of days before that his best friend, who had pancreatic cancer, had decided to stop
treatment. Diagnosed at 24, B was given 2 years tops to live, and he had defied expectations. But options had been exhausted, and he was tired. In a video sent to his family and best friends, he told everyone that with what time he had left, he simply wanted to enjoy the rest of his life. M and A flew to Philadelphia to spend a weekend celebrating what will probably be his last birthday. He turned 29 today. They sent pictures from the Liberty Bell.
Back to our lunch. So I’m prepared to do the mom thing and offer a car and a listening ear, and offer what little wisdom I have(you are mom-ish to the significant others.) The great thing about your kids living near you is that you can help them out with more than money. You can continue to give them your time and care. You can take care of the dog or water the plants, or take them out to lunch when its a tough time.
A is also struggling with his career. An artist at heart, a people person and dedicated community servant, he has struggled to move from the service industry to a next step career. A dual degree in Drama and Geography has been hard to translate into the post-COVID environment. I’ve introduced him to some men I admire in our community- he is loved by everyone but it is a rural community and hard to make a living. So I’m prepped for empathy, advice, and support.
About halfway through the falafel, A asked for my blessing to marry my daughter. It was a profoundly touching and beautiful conversation. He had the stones from his grandmother’s ring. He would ask her in Mendocino in the fall, at a place that has been special to our family forever, and where she was conceived. He was not sure of his path yet, but he wants to walk it with her, and she with him. And it was so wonderful to have this special moment with this beautiful young man who loves my wild, demanding, deeply compassionate and complex daughter. Who nurtures her soul and listens to her, and makes her laugh and feel at ease in the world. Who helps plant a garden and paints my house. Who will be an amazing father to the children they both want. I am looking forward to witnessing their journey. I am honored by it, and grateful for it.
— Cristine
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