I was close to my sister while we were growing up, but at least in her mind, it became a rivalry when we were in high school. I'm two years older. In hindsight, if three years separated us we would have not had to share the attention from our parents.
Back then, I was a chronic over achiever. I've written before about being raised as the "Model Minority" as a Baby Boomer after World War II. I was the first born and my Japanese American parents didn't want me to experience the overt and subtle racism expressed toward them.
I don't think my sister had the same upbringing. She ended up being more rebellious. We had the good sib - bad sib relationship.
She had trouble holding down jobs, I think because of her personality, but also because she chose to work in highly competitive businesses and was okay with burning bridges.
She left her last job and came home to take care of my ailing father. She looked at that as "work" with free room and board. Over the years, she always rented and didn't stay in one place for long. Moving back to live with our parents was her longest stint since childhood.
My mom always warned her that if she stayed out of the labor force for too long, she'd be unemployable. She did end up staying in her most recent job for several years before having to retire when she contracted COVID.
In my view, I think she became resentful because she had taken on the primary caregiving responsibility, even though she wasn't around for probably 15 years except for Christmas. I don't think she knew or realized the amount of time I hung around before she returned to the scene.
Both our parents died in 2003 within a few months of each other. She was the one who found our mom dead in her bed. I can't say for sure, but that PTS was hard on her. She's still holding on to her past living in our parents home. She finally agreed to buy me out of the property. Maybe that was the tie that bound us together.
We're not close, but friendly. Neither of us had children. Whoever dies first, I'll be curious to see how the survivor deals with being the last one standing. I'm sure that there will be a moment when some sort of reconciliation will happen.
— alanohashi
Back then, I was a chronic over achiever. I've written before about being raised as the "Model Minority" as a Baby Boomer after World War II. I was the first born and my Japanese American parents didn't want me to experience the overt and subtle racism expressed toward them.
I don't think my sister had the same upbringing. She ended up being more rebellious. We had the good sib - bad sib relationship.
She had trouble holding down jobs, I think because of her personality, but also because she chose to work in highly competitive businesses and was okay with burning bridges.
She left her last job and came home to take care of my ailing father. She looked at that as "work" with free room and board. Over the years, she always rented and didn't stay in one place for long. Moving back to live with our parents was her longest stint since childhood.
My mom always warned her that if she stayed out of the labor force for too long, she'd be unemployable. She did end up staying in her most recent job for several years before having to retire when she contracted COVID.
In my view, I think she became resentful because she had taken on the primary caregiving responsibility, even though she wasn't around for probably 15 years except for Christmas. I don't think she knew or realized the amount of time I hung around before she returned to the scene.
Both our parents died in 2003 within a few months of each other. She was the one who found our mom dead in her bed. I can't say for sure, but that PTS was hard on her. She's still holding on to her past living in our parents home. She finally agreed to buy me out of the property. Maybe that was the tie that bound us together.
We're not close, but friendly. Neither of us had children. Whoever dies first, I'll be curious to see how the survivor deals with being the last one standing. I'm sure that there will be a moment when some sort of reconciliation will happen.
— alanohashi
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