We are in the middle of a blizzard right now- a rare, beautiful, messy and massive tour de force of nature. When we woke this morning, the sky wasn’t really telling, but the weather report did and sure enough, it started at about 9:30. Swirling wildness out the window. Common sense says to stay put. The car is useless, even though it’s Swedish and supposed to be up for this type of weather. I have internet and power and lean into the workday- looking out the window to marvel at the swoosh of it all.
My daughter and her boyfriend joined us last evening- coming down from the mountain after skiing with her childhood friends for a couple of days. He learned to snowboard- she sent a video of his arcing curves back and forth across the hill, and pictures of the two of them laughing on the chairlift. She loves him so she didn’t send video of him falling- which is inevitable when you are learning how to move in a new medium- be it water or snow or California or a new relationship. They live here now, in the town she grew up in. She moved back during COVID and never left. Her work is hybrid and intense, and he is trying to catch up to her. They are near marriage, and in therapy. For both I am grateful, considering all of their parents were stumbling around at that age with desire and babies and confusion.
When she was born, her father and I lived in a trailer on a horse farm, where I had convinced him to move from San Francisco when I found out I was pregnant. He’d never lived out of the city, and we had only recently moved west from New York. He grew his hair, worked with troubled kids and planted morning glories along the garden fence. I trained horses. My daughter grew up in the particular freedom that can be found on a farm, and when her brother was born some years later, she took him by the hand and showed him the world. Fairies, living and dying things, animal ways.
Having children changed my life trajectory unexpectedly, and with great consequence. Away from a world of art galleries and cabarets. Away from the city. Away from loneliness. And eventually, away from my husband. This afternoon, as my daughter and I watched our dogs romp in the snow, beside themselves with glee, she told me she doesn’t want to send her kids to daycare when they are little. She wants to be there. And I think- be careful what you wish for. It may change your life in unexpected ways.
— Cristine
My daughter and her boyfriend joined us last evening- coming down from the mountain after skiing with her childhood friends for a couple of days. He learned to snowboard- she sent a video of his arcing curves back and forth across the hill, and pictures of the two of them laughing on the chairlift. She loves him so she didn’t send video of him falling- which is inevitable when you are learning how to move in a new medium- be it water or snow or California or a new relationship. They live here now, in the town she grew up in. She moved back during COVID and never left. Her work is hybrid and intense, and he is trying to catch up to her. They are near marriage, and in therapy. For both I am grateful, considering all of their parents were stumbling around at that age with desire and babies and confusion.
When she was born, her father and I lived in a trailer on a horse farm, where I had convinced him to move from San Francisco when I found out I was pregnant. He’d never lived out of the city, and we had only recently moved west from New York. He grew his hair, worked with troubled kids and planted morning glories along the garden fence. I trained horses. My daughter grew up in the particular freedom that can be found on a farm, and when her brother was born some years later, she took him by the hand and showed him the world. Fairies, living and dying things, animal ways.
Having children changed my life trajectory unexpectedly, and with great consequence. Away from a world of art galleries and cabarets. Away from the city. Away from loneliness. And eventually, away from my husband. This afternoon, as my daughter and I watched our dogs romp in the snow, beside themselves with glee, she told me she doesn’t want to send her kids to daycare when they are little. She wants to be there. And I think- be careful what you wish for. It may change your life in unexpected ways.
— Cristine
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