I actually think about this and retired early to pursue writing more seriously than I felt I had time for when working as a midwife. But I don’t think I would have been a writer professionally so I would have needed some other type of work. I used to imagine that it would have been something like being a forest ranger- like the interpretative rangers who work with the public, but in retrospect, I don’t know now if this would have been a good fit.
In my fantasies about another life I picture myself doing something quiet, away from the public eye. I can also see where a life in academia might have suited me under the right circumstances.
I would not have had three children in most of the scenarios I imagine because I would have felt like was better for the planet to remain childless or have a single child. I like to think that if trauma therapy had been around sooner, and I had had the resources for therapy, I might have delayed childbearing and been confidently settled with a partner or as a single woman before becoming a mother, and I would have had only one child- but this is not a statement about my children or the value of siblings, but about the environment and sustainability. I think having a single child might have made it easier for me as someone who isn't affluent to provide more of the things my children could have used to be successfully launched in this world, but I love how different my children are from one another, how they each need me to be a different mother, and how they love one another- I particularly love the way my sons love their sister and her so, my only grandchild to date.
I think being a therapist is another job that would have suited me and probably would have lead itself to the types of deep emotional engagement and connection that I desire when with others, and the flexibility of different work scenarios- the ability/option to work in large institutions, or small private practices, with all sorts of options for hours worked in a week, including very part-time work in retirement.
I picture scenes like scenes from Orion Magazine or scenes from Pam Houston’s book “Deep Creek” where I am far away from a city, but because I live in a small town now, I am not sure I would have liked that life because I miss what comes with or what spills over when you live in a college town with bookstores, cafes, science and the arts.
None of my imagined scenarios involve not going to college and all would welcome a demanding educational pathway that didn’t translate directly into a “job.” Nursing did translate into a job but I didn’t become a nurse until I was almost thirty and had already received a BA. And I chose to go to nursing school because I felt with all fibers of my being a desire to become a midwife, so maybe I stumbled into the path that was calling my name and absolutely right for me, with the ability to adapt with me over my lifetime and work life, to help me see and meet people where they were, and give me countless opportunities to connect with people who were different, who were in pain, who needed to be heard, and so that I could be grounded in work that demanded empathy and respect for the body? I feel now, but especially when I was actually working that I did find the most perfect path that spoke to the deepest parts of myself and I am so grateful for that.
Now in retirement, I want to think about other things and when I turn my attention to things related to birth and patient care, it is from a distance so that I might reflect on these things- what I learned and am still learning from this work about what it means to be human. As I develop more skills as a writer and time passes, some of these things are becoming the subjects of my writing- these divergent paths are intertwined with one another.
— pamcnm
In my fantasies about another life I picture myself doing something quiet, away from the public eye. I can also see where a life in academia might have suited me under the right circumstances.
I would not have had three children in most of the scenarios I imagine because I would have felt like was better for the planet to remain childless or have a single child. I like to think that if trauma therapy had been around sooner, and I had had the resources for therapy, I might have delayed childbearing and been confidently settled with a partner or as a single woman before becoming a mother, and I would have had only one child- but this is not a statement about my children or the value of siblings, but about the environment and sustainability. I think having a single child might have made it easier for me as someone who isn't affluent to provide more of the things my children could have used to be successfully launched in this world, but I love how different my children are from one another, how they each need me to be a different mother, and how they love one another- I particularly love the way my sons love their sister and her so, my only grandchild to date.
I think being a therapist is another job that would have suited me and probably would have lead itself to the types of deep emotional engagement and connection that I desire when with others, and the flexibility of different work scenarios- the ability/option to work in large institutions, or small private practices, with all sorts of options for hours worked in a week, including very part-time work in retirement.
I picture scenes like scenes from Orion Magazine or scenes from Pam Houston’s book “Deep Creek” where I am far away from a city, but because I live in a small town now, I am not sure I would have liked that life because I miss what comes with or what spills over when you live in a college town with bookstores, cafes, science and the arts.
None of my imagined scenarios involve not going to college and all would welcome a demanding educational pathway that didn’t translate directly into a “job.” Nursing did translate into a job but I didn’t become a nurse until I was almost thirty and had already received a BA. And I chose to go to nursing school because I felt with all fibers of my being a desire to become a midwife, so maybe I stumbled into the path that was calling my name and absolutely right for me, with the ability to adapt with me over my lifetime and work life, to help me see and meet people where they were, and give me countless opportunities to connect with people who were different, who were in pain, who needed to be heard, and so that I could be grounded in work that demanded empathy and respect for the body? I feel now, but especially when I was actually working that I did find the most perfect path that spoke to the deepest parts of myself and I am so grateful for that.
Now in retirement, I want to think about other things and when I turn my attention to things related to birth and patient care, it is from a distance so that I might reflect on these things- what I learned and am still learning from this work about what it means to be human. As I develop more skills as a writer and time passes, some of these things are becoming the subjects of my writing- these divergent paths are intertwined with one another.
— pamcnm
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