I think we live in layers and swirls of possibilities when it comes to different paths or lives- like they are all around us at every moment, because each action we take has a consequence, every moment rests upon the next and somehow time is in the mix as well. Perhaps we have lived those lives in some other reality.
So many years ago I walked away from someone I loved with the certainty of someone in their early 20’s needing to change their life. Which of course, meant I was torn. Stay or go, and I chose go. Over the next 25 years there have been moments where we swirl back into each other, if only for a conversation, or most deeply and tenderly, a night. They are fleeting and span the lives we have separately- four adult children now between us, the switched coasts of our existence, wives and husbands.
Over the weekend, that song came on- the one that made me doubt my choice, the one I’d not heard in so many years. And I hit replay and turned it up and all that love and uncertainty flooded through my body. And G walks in and sees me crying and covered in oven grease and he just smiles in that way that means he understands me even though he has no idea what I am thinking.
That night, I got a text from S. We’ve not communicated in years, and yet I can still conjure him, and the life we didn’t have together. All is well. Heart emoji.
A and I went to lunch today at the little deli next to Target. He asked for my blessing to marry M and as I look into his eyes, something reminds me of S. Kindness. My daughter will marry this man, and there will be moments of uncertainty in them both, because there always will be in every choice we make. We make choices with the wisdom we have available to us in the moment, not with hindsight, and not with foresight either. May we meet our choices with grace and without regret.
— Cristine
So many years ago I walked away from someone I loved with the certainty of someone in their early 20’s needing to change their life. Which of course, meant I was torn. Stay or go, and I chose go. Over the next 25 years there have been moments where we swirl back into each other, if only for a conversation, or most deeply and tenderly, a night. They are fleeting and span the lives we have separately- four adult children now between us, the switched coasts of our existence, wives and husbands.
Over the weekend, that song came on- the one that made me doubt my choice, the one I’d not heard in so many years. And I hit replay and turned it up and all that love and uncertainty flooded through my body. And G walks in and sees me crying and covered in oven grease and he just smiles in that way that means he understands me even though he has no idea what I am thinking.
That night, I got a text from S. We’ve not communicated in years, and yet I can still conjure him, and the life we didn’t have together. All is well. Heart emoji.
A and I went to lunch today at the little deli next to Target. He asked for my blessing to marry M and as I look into his eyes, something reminds me of S. Kindness. My daughter will marry this man, and there will be moments of uncertainty in them both, because there always will be in every choice we make. We make choices with the wisdom we have available to us in the moment, not with hindsight, and not with foresight either. May we meet our choices with grace and without regret.
— Cristine
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